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Please click on one of the following births to read their joyous story.

• Emma Rose's Birth

  • My birth story...

    My water broke on a Tuesday afternoon Sept. 12. We had just went to our midwife appointment and she swept my membranes. Then we went for a walk in the park. It was so beautiful and the trees were so green. I stopped to give my hubby and kiss and woosh! Water started gushing out of me.

    I started having contractions 10 mins apart Tuesday evening Sept. 12. We called the midwife and she said to try and sleep through them. We did not sleep much. We were too excited! The next morning they stopped. I was 42.3 weeks and getting scared I might not get the home birth of my dreams. My midwife would have to transfer care at midnight at 43 weeks.

    I started applying rose, jasmine and clary Sage essential oils to my abdomen and ankles. Plus drinking tons of raspberry leaf tea, walking and trusting my baby. I also kept very warm by wearing socks and a hat and I got some acupuncture.

    Wed. night contractions started again and got to 2 mins a part by Thursday morning. Again, not much sleep now due to constant contractions. My midwife came over in the morning but left because it was not time for her to be here so My husband and I labored happily together most of the day. I don't remember everything but here are some things I do.

    I was very vocal! Every contraction pulled out a wild women song from me.

    I tried all sorts of positions but the one that worked best was with my husband letting me hug his neck and I just let the wave take me.

    We did that for hours until we felt a shift and then invited the midwife over. I felt like I could not keep going!

    This is when I started to loose sense of reality ...

    She checked me and said I was almost moving into transition. My husband and midwife filled up the birth tub and I continued to work at opening my cervix.

    Once I got in the tub it was heaven! My glutes and thighs were feeling the labor the most intensely and I had rug burns on my knees and elbows from being on my hands and knees during contractions.

    The tub was amazing. Total bliss . My husband held my head and fed me snacks between contractions.

    After awhile things started shifting and I starting wanting to push. I moved back and forth between tub and toilet learning to work with this new sensation.

    The tub water started getting cold and my midwife and I both felt it was time to change it up because things were not progressing.

    The Midwife checked me and I had a cervical lip so she sent us back to our original system of me hugging Gabe and opening the rest of the way.

    My midwife called her assistant.

    Finally it was time to get the baby out!

    We tried EVERYTHING! Birthing stool, squatting assisted by my husband, walking stairs, I felt like I was a triathlete! I pushed for 4 hours!

    My midwife was trying to teach me how to push so she said "reach inside and feel the bag of water. Your babies head is right past that. Now push so you can move the bag." This really helped! I was getting tired and feeling like nothing was happening but now I could almost feel my baby!

    Eventually the bag broke but there was meconium in it. The midwifed started checking the baby's heartbeat after every contraction. She sounded great. I was never worried. I knew my baby was ok. I could feel the babies head descending and my Yoni got so swollen and dripping wet. I could no longer pee and that was really uncomfortable and distracting. But I knew my baby was almost here so I pushed through.

    I was so so tired. I think I actually sleep in between each contraction. I didn't know where I would get the strength to keep going but I knew within the quest I would find my crown of motherhood.

    Contractions slowed down and we needed to get this baby out.

    Vitals were great though!

    But it was time to try something new. They got me on the bed and had my husband behind me. I had to now push with all my might.

    My midwife had me reach down and feel my baby crowning. I could feel her head and this inspired me to get her out so I could kiss her.

    My midwife said something like "ok this is the moment to push your baby out so call on the gods, goddess or whatever and push with the next contraction with everything you have!"

    I had no idea how I would find the strength to do this but those words were perfect for me. I called for the Goddess and put my everything into that last push!

    Finally the head passed through!

    And then the shoulders. She had the cord around her neck but my midwife skillfully removed it and my baby was put on my chest.

    I've never been so tired and so happy in my life.

    Emma Rose was born Friday September 15th at 4:06am

• Jayme's Birth

  • When I was 30 weeks pregnant with my second child, I ran into a young gal at the local Co-Op who told me how she loved giving birth and how transformational it was for her. At the time I actually told her she was crazy. When I was sitting in my car in the parking lot exhausted I just knew deep down in my roots that she was telling me something very true, and not crazy.

    My first birth experience was nothing of "transformational", at the time. As I would explain it, it was traumatic and severely painful. After many sessions with my midwife breaking down those feelings and the expectations I had set for my experience with birth, we helped me come to see it in a different light. It was powerful! And I did that, naturally and at home.

    In the months leading up to my labor and delivery with my second pregnancy, I was guided to do some deep soul searching and finally work through some hard, deeply stuffed grief from my sister's suicide that happened 8 years prior. I knew deep inside me that in order to have a graceful birth journey I had to clear any holdings that may keep me from surrendering to my truth.

    It became clear to me that if I wanted to move through the grief of my sister's death, I was going to have to go back to the beginning. When she died.

    I remember the day as if it were a scene in a movie. Getting a call from my grandmother stating my sister had been shot and telling me to get to my moms house as soon as I could. As my husband and I were racing our way to my moms I got another call from my grandpa saying that she didn't make it, she was dead. I hung up the phone and threw it at the dash board of the truck and screamed. When we arrived the streets were painted with curious neighbors and dozens of police cars. I jumped from the truck before it had stopped moving, twisting my ankle as I landed. I ran toward the front door to go inside to see her and was immediately stopped by a male officer who convinced me heavily that it wasn't something I should see. I fell to my knees screaming and crying.

    That is the day my sister shot herself after her and her boyfriend broke up online. She was so terribly heartbroken. She was sixteen. I never even got to see her body once she passed, and in not doing so I struggled with the reality of her death.

    In today's world we are so afraid to feel anything. That officer who stopped me at the door was afraid for me to feel any more pain. He was doing what he thought was best for me at the time.

    We try and protect anyone from the slightest of uncomfortable feelings. So many of us have learned over time that we are responsible for another's emotions that arise in them. I am one of these people. And I have now learned different.

    It is part of our journey to learn our feelings and move through them appropriately. When we don't, we get stuck in time. We are robbing ourselves of movement, of growth. When we don't face the feelings and allow them to move, we limit ourselves of our fullest potential.

    To facilitate the movement through the grief of my sister's death I decided to request the police records, including photos, and scheduled an evening with my husband to go through it, all of it. I can't tell you how terrifying it was for me to be faced with the photos before me. After we had read through all the reports from different investigators, the photos sat there, ready to be looked at. The anxiety and panic that overwhelmed me was beyond frightening. I wanted to back out. My mind kicked in and was convincing me that I was crazy for wanting to put myself through such a horrible thing. And then guidance came through and I opened my computer to see. The first one of my sister laying there on the floor, topless, lifeless...and in peace. Before looking at these photos, all I had were images my mind had created. They were based on the stories others had told me who saw her die. The images I created in my head were excruciatingly painful and disturbing. It was a gift to see the truth and open myself to move through the heartbreak.

    Labor and childbirth is hard work! You are faced with the ultimate challenge of life itself...what the Devine has sent us here to do...to let go. Let go of all of our emotional holdings, let go of control and just receive what is to come to you organically without resistance.

    And that's exactly what I did and why I had the most transformational birth experience with my second child.

    It was 11pm when I woke to a gush of water between my legs while sleeping in my bed. I tried waking my husband a few times here and there, he did eventually, but I found I worked better alone this time around. I propped up pillows and blankets and positioned myself as the queen that I am. I opened my legs and laid my hands open on top, allowing my whole being to be exposed and welcoming whatever power was to come through me. As each contraction came I would just sit there and breath. I had such a deep focus and would watch every one come and go. In between contractions I would fall asleep, get up to walk around briefly when I woke, but I kept going back to my Queen seat because that's where I found most peace. My husband would wake and try and talk to me, during contractions might I add, and I would ever so bluntly request he not speak...or touch me or look at me or breath near me, nothing.

    Soon I had the intense urge to push. I had been on the phone with my midwife throughout the night and again when I had this new feeling. At this point, she was on her way and advising me to get on all fours to slow the labor. I was urging my husband to get the birth tub ready as soon as he could. While he was occupied with that, my nearly 2 year old had woke to my moans and came to sit with me on the bed. She touched me and hugged me and then sat quietly playing with her toys next to me as I made loud grunts and screams. I explained to her that mommy was ok and that the baby was coming.

    In what seemed to be a lifetime, our Midwife finally arrived. After checking me over and going through a couple more contractions, she gave me the go ahead to get in the tub. In my remembrance, I started pushing almost immediately and crowning was soon to follow. The feeling of having a baby crown from my floor is nothing less than amazing. I had this intense pressure and stretching of skin. Our midwife gave a helping hand by reaching in to release the baby's shoulder.

    Before I knew it, my beautiful baby was no longer a part of my physical body, she was of her own.

    I was so happy, holding my new baby in my arms. She even rooted around to find the breast almost immediately while we were still in the tub. I took a peak at the gender with no one looking but my midwife and it was a girl! Elated. Hattie was right there in daddies arms and gave kisses to her new baby sister.

    Feel things. And trust that you are always loved and supported by your protectors. You can do anything.

    Childbirth...the beautiful place where you finally become the Devine instead of only calling her name.

• Odin's Birth

  • The birth of Odin

    The birth of my little love is very important and special to me. #1 was my c-section baby, #2 was my VBAC homebirth baby, and Odin was my "accidental" hospital baby. I had a couple good rounds of "strong braxton hicks" rushes. Those got me to about 3-4 cm dilated and about 50% effaced. My "due date" came and passed. On Thanksgiving, I played football with my kids in my mom's backyard. Later that evening, I started getting the "painful" labor rushes. I called my best friend to let her know that things could pick up anytime. I called my sister, only to have her tell me that she would not be able to stay as long as she had promised. That was stressful.

    I started having mucus plug come out earlier that day. I had been feeling the need to take naps that day and the following. Rushes kept coming, but went away when I went to sleep. Laura said that it is "getting closer!" "One of these nights will be the one!" the next morning when I reported about how my night went. I told her how confusing this pregnancy and labor had been. I was disappointed to wake without rushes, but they started to come back a little bit while making breakfast. I had blood streaked mucus as well. After breakfast, I took my older two for a walk, wrapped my pregnant belly, and wished for things to pick up. I watched my sweet kiddos playing and wished that our new baby would come out to play soon as well. Around 3:25 p.m., I texted Laura to let her know that the "painful" rushes had been coming all day. We decided to try a few rounds of caullophyllom. After about an hour, there had been no changes. She told me, "O.k. Stop. Rest. Trust.". Rushes were still coming, and really bad in my back. She encouraged me to go on hands and knees for 15 min, then lean forward on the yoga ball for 15, then to crawl for 15 min. The back pain did not get better. She told me to do polar bear: Butt up. Head down.

    At 8:32 p.m., I texted "Whaaa, I just want to cry. It has been 24 hours of this." (Meaning rushes with back pain.) She encouraged me to lay on my left side and see if I could get some sleep or sleep through.. I ate some soup and then tried to get some rest on the couch. I called my best friend and she ened up coming over to stay the night. I started bleeding, so I called Laura, and during one of our calls I started feeling a small urge to bear down. She decided to head over. It was still the middle of the night and things weren't moving along very fast, so we all tried to get some rest. I was laying down, leaning on the yoga ball, and other positions. At this point, and forward on, hands and knees sitting (not squating) was my favorite position. I was really having to start breathing with my rushes. I had to really remember that they werent "contractions" but they were"rushes". I actually thought of them as waves. With each wave, I had to try my best to relax and imagine that horrible "band" of pain as a rubber band, or a blossoming flower, opening, stretching over my baby, to allow him to come earthside. My waves were inconsistent, and not "normal". Laura decided to check my cervix for progress. Surprisingly, I was 100% effaced, but only 4 cm dilated. She also was not able to palpate baby's position, so she decided to call her assisting midwife (Veege) over to see if she was able to feel position. She showed up not too long after, with her shirt on backwards, which was funny for all of us, and I was able to laugh between waves. She adjusted her shirt, and came to the couch to assess and see if she could determine baby's position. She was also not able to give an answer. At that point, I think we were all on the same page and thinking the same thing. Laura confirmed by recommending that we go to ACH for an ultrasound and then return home (assuming that baby is in good position).

    Veege went home to be with her family while she waited. My eldest, best friend, Laura and I piled into Laura's car with just our purses and my medical file, and headed to the hospital. Laura had called ahead to let them know we were coming in, and they said to go to OB. Just as we were about the leave the apartment complex, Laura's phone rang. It was the hospital calling to tell us to go to the ER instead of OB. (We were all a little angry with them.) It seemed like we were driving so slow. There were hardly any cars on the road with us. It was still so early, and Ashland seemed so sleepy that sunny Saturday morning. We parked in the ER parking and made our way to the ER window. I, of course, took a detour to the bathroom before joining Laura in admitting. The ER staff seemed confused as to what they were supposed to do with a laboring mom. They somehow came to the conclusion that I was supposed to go to OB. They offered me a wheelchair, of which I said very sternly, "no, I will walk!" I kept having to stop and lean on the wall with waves. When we arrived in OB, they welcomed us. The nurse, Sage, with teary eyes, asked when the last time I slept was. I responded, confused, "just a little while ago." She was teary and emotional because she had a history with Laura <3 They were about to get me set up in a room when the other nurse informed us that we had to go back to ER. (Gahhhh!!)

    Again, I refused the wheelchair, and said I would walk. We got to the ER and entered their GYN room. After I peed into a collection cup, I entered the room, and just moments later, a woman shows up with a wheelchair... (REALLY, PEOPLE?!) She said that we had to go back to OB. I looked at her and laughed. I interrupted Laura (she was trying to explain that we had just came from there) to say, "If I go, I'm not moving until I get an ultrasound!!" Or something among those lines.. AGAIN, I refused the wheelchair and walked, stopping more frequently for waves. We got settled in a room where I desperately tried to find a comfortable position. (Again, hands and knees, upright). Waves moved much closer together, and were much more intense. My best friend and Laura took turns helping me with touch on my back and head. I kept going to the in-room bathroom to pee, and back to the bed where I got into a hands and knees position. Finally, about an hour after being in the OB room, the ultrasound tech got there from Medford. ANND... The ultrasound machine did not want to work... The tech went on about how they only have two machines and the other one is OUT OF ORDER..(great..) I was really having to focus with the waves, and had very shor breaks in between. It was very difficult for me to change positions from hands and knees to on my back.

    The ultrasound tech finally got the machine to semi-work well enough to quickly check position, so I slowly and painfully turned onto my back. The head was DOWN!!! GOOD BABY!!! I FELT SO RELIEVED! but I knew it was too late to try to make the trip back home. I knew I just couldn't. While trying to use the bathroom "one last time" the waves got so intense! My water broke! On the toilet! I had never had spontaneous rupture before! I was grasping onto Laura, my best friend, and the nurse (not sure who was there at those moments), and the safety bar. I remember sweating so bad. Laura said, "these are getting you nice and flushed!" My best friend helped take off my bra. I remember feeling so out of breath, like I couldn't breathe. I wanted oxygen sooo bad! It helped A LOT to remove my bra! I think she also helped take off my pants and sandals, but not 100% sure.. I was grasping Sage and begged her, "don't leave me!" While holding onto Laura, I got my first uncontrollable urge to push,and then Laura knew we were down to business then! She announced the urge. My legs were dead asleep from sitting on the toilet, I was afraid to stand up. Laura and Sage, each on one side of me, helped to "drag" me towards the bed. I had been asking for pain medication, while knowing it was because he was almost out. I was almost done. I remember feeling like I was about to die. But I knew it was because my baby was coming (and funny positioned). Right as we just barely made it to the edge of the bed, I gor another strong wave with a VERY strong urge to push. I yelled, " head!" And Laura and Sage scrambled to get me further onto the bed. Sage was worried about not being gloved. As I scooted back on the bed, I uncontrollably pushed and he was crowning. Another push, HIS HEAD WAS OUT! A short rest while I felt him turning to his side, and Sage with her fingers for a cord. No cord around his neck! And another push. HE WAS OUT!! Thank goddess! I tore upwards, and tge cord was rubbung against it. He was placed on my belly. He was blue-ish, but I wasn't worried. I tilted my head back because of the pain from the cord. My baby was perfect. And so much hair! Head full of hair! Body with so much fuzz! And soo much vernix! It was CAKED to his back! Laura and Sage had to remind me to look down at my baby while they woked on my other end. It wasn't that I didn't want to look at him, but because of the pain.

    Everytime I asked for pain medication, Sage would say that she needed to check my cervix. I refused every time, knowing that my cervix was fully dilated, and on his way down. It was my way of complaining.

    My baby was born quickly, and in a place that was not planned, but I would not change a thing. Laura was my guardian. My guide. I feel so blessed to have had her throughout this pregnancy, and that she stayed by my side for the crazy, fast, confusing, and unplanned. SHE WAS THERE. And I love her for that.

    My eldest was out in the waiting room with my best friend, but after the placenta was delivered, he was the one to cut the cord.

    8 days after Odin's birth..

    It is 8 days after Odin's birth, and I feel at times like I am mourning the pregnancy and birth. I miss having him in my belly, safe from harm. I miss tge excitement and anticipation of going into labor. I miss my visits With Laura. I still see her for postpartum visits, but I know that our rime together is soon to be over. She is the one person that I feel has not abandoned me, besides my grandma and best friend. She walked through this pregnancy with me, and all of the challenges and fears that I faced. So, I cry. I cry all day, everyday. Veege made placenta medicine for me, and it really helps, but the "empty" feelings of loss and mourning are still there. My mom and sister have proven further how little they actually care, and that they are not reliable. Not once, have they done what they said they would.

    But I have my baby. My sweet, sweet Odin. Born. Made out of chaos, born into love. I have 3 amazing kids.

    7 months later...

    I have left my emotional postpartum hormones behind. I have made up with my family. Odin is one of the happiest and sweetest babies that I've ever known.

• Kaleb's Birth

  • You come to us from another world

    From beyond the stars and void of space. Transcendent, Pure, of unimaginable beauty, Bringing with you the essence of love.

    My sweet Little One, my Little Bird, my Kaleb, I am in awe. As you and Daddy sleep in our bed, I sit on our back porch soaking in the June morning sun replaying in my mind the images of your arrival and the journey that has brought you to our arms. I remember the many, many conversations with Daddy about when we should have you and start our family(something your Daddy has wanted and waited for since we met…he really is the most patient man in the world), to the day when Daddy had a vision of your spirit at work and told you if it was time we were ready, to the morning when in my pink fuzzy robe the pregnancy test revealed that little blue X, our first appointment at 14 weeks with our beloved midwife, Laura Roe, giddy with excitement to find your tiny body in my growing belly, to the blessed 39 weeks of carrying you, getting to know your every kick, hiccup, twist and turn, as well as the last week where I felt like I might go completely crazy if I didn't meet you soon, to now 12 days after your birth where my heart feels as if it has grown so big that it is stretched to embrace the whole world.

    

    With the cut of the cord that has bound us for the past 40 weeks we now begin to walk our parallel life paths. The precious milestones and firsts ahead will no doubt begin to fill my memory and replace the images that are so vivid now. So before we walk too far I want you to know the story of your birth and what an honor it has been to bring you into this world. I want you to know how much you are loved and wanted, and that you are the jeweled light of my eye.

    It's difficult for me to say when labor actually began for us. The week before you arrived, my Birthday, I started having contractions that I thought would bring you to our arms, but instead it was a week of "The New Normal", "Spiraling in" and the "Continuums", phrases and words that Daddy and I now use and laugh. That week I tried to be steady, but something in my heart had shifted and every day that passed where I hadn't yet seen your eyes felt like an eternity. That week there were tears, so many tears; I think I used an entire box of tissues. Every phone call hastily began with "No, no baby yet". Every evening I neurotically (Daddy's word) cleaned the kitchen thinking tonight, tonight could be the night. We called Laura so much that week I feared she would stop answering her cell. Aunt Meghan and Nanny called two or three times a day, and drove the 40 miles just to "stop by". Everyone knew you were coming soon even though I crazily doubted it.

    On Saturday the day before your 40week "bump day", my friend Ann came over and did an acupuncture session to help me get back on track. She said my body felt ready but a bit depleted from the past week…maybe that 2 hour hike around Roxy Ann on Thursday was not the best idea I've ever had. Around 7pm Daddy and I snuggled into bed and by 8:30 I told Daddy that maybe we should start timing…just to see. We started a movie about the ocean; I watched the waves on the screen but was distracted by the ones beginning to wash over my body. Daddy and I decided to call Laura before bed about 9:30. We knew the drill now, try and sleep and if I couldn't, call. So call we did, 11pm, skullcap, 1am, homeopathic remedy and more skullcap…no luck, 3am try this position, and finally 5am, I could take no more. The sun was just starting to rise. Would we meet you today? I was still unsure. Laura gave instructions which began with me crawling on the floor, while Daddy made "Mississippi Mud" oatmeal and Viggo, our dog, watched in total confusion. We ate, then we walked, (the block around the school had never felt so long), and showered. The waves kept coming. I'm not sure how many times we called Laura that morning; I had started to loose track of things. I remember asking Laura if Daddy could decide when to call now. The waves were changing. She said something about letting this reality go and that Daddy's job was to keep his footing here so I could let go. I asked Daddy to call Nanny and Aunt Megan to let them know that you were on your way and that I needed them not to worry. I listened to Poppy's guru, Bawa, chanting on the computer and slipped into meditation. Daddy would check on me, I remember him calling people, looking in and telling Laura what I was doing, I couldn't talk, but I'd nod my head, I had to concentrate on breathing. Daddy put the phone on speaker and Laura said that it sounded like I might like her to come over soon, I nodded, needing her guidance. She arrived at our usual meeting time 12:45. Seeing her in that first moment gave me a sense of relief I hadn't expected, I cried. Then the next moment a wave of fear that she would leave, because maybe this wasn't really it, but she stayed. As Laura set up her things Daddy held me, held me with his whole being. That's all I remember for a large part of the day, your Daddy's eyes, his big brown eyes, eyes that I have loved and looked at for almost half my life, but now his eyes held me, held me in his soft, quiet, and steady strength. He was with me; I knew I was not alone. I have read that in birth a mother's journey is like a bridge, a bridge that she crosses completely alone. But your Daddy, he crossed that bridge with me, held me with every step. The love that I felt for him burned thru me like a light, a light that allowed me to navigate the storm that I could see rising in my body, while outside the thunder rumbled.

    Late afternoon I started to tire, which allowed disappointment and fear to creep in…Were you really coming? Was I as strong as I thought? Could I do this with as much grace as I hoped? I shared my feelings with Laura, she consoled me saying that I had only been in active labor for 4hours, something that you wouldn't think I wanted to hear but was strangely comforting. I hadn't yet heard the term Active Labor. I knelt, leaning on the yoga ball as Laura coached me thru a relaxation meditation where she taught me how to stay in a place of rest as each wave rose and fell. Revelation! I didn't need to do anything…my body was bringing you to us, no sound or movement needed. Daddy and I sat in the tub while Laura called her assistants, Mia and Veege. My body was opening, softening with each wave. I moved to the bed, with each surge I thanked my body for bringing you to us, reminded myself that there was nothing for me to do and said a prayer asking for our guides and angels to be with us now. Time was still, the energy of the room was different now, full, awake, yet so calm. I would periodically open my eyes to watch Viggo sniff Mia or Veege, who sat against the walls of our bedroom, as if he was checking in on each of them. I could feel Laura or Daddy move in and out of the room, but when they left I still felt their presence, I felt the thread of our connection. Veege or Laura would check your heart with the Doppler, whoosh-whoosh-whoosh, 12/13 they would say, you were good. Hours that felt like minutes and Laura said that it was time to shift things. She asked me to stand, so I put my arms around Daddy, my legs had been shaking when I stood for a while now. I held tight and we started to draw figure eights with our hips like a belly dancer, then Laura asked me to put one foot on the bed and bend my knees as if moving in and out of a deep squat. This was not easy, I relied on Daddy to hold me I could not stand on my own. Then into the shower with the same instructions, the water felt good on my skin, but the waves were coming so fast now, I could barely pay attention. Daddy and I moved together, my body began to push as my legs felt like noodles underneath me. I felt as if Daddy kept moving deeper as I tried to switch legs with each wave, but it was getting difficult to feel where one wave ended and another began, left foot, right foot, and again left, right and splash…We froze…What was that? Then it dawned on us, no a water-balloon hadn't fallen from the sky and hit the shower floor, my water had finally broken, the feeling in my body changed dramatically as I heard Daddy whisper "I don't know what to do…" then he yelled 'LAURA!!!". She sat me on the toilet, not the most glamorous I know, and listened to your heart again 12/13. She said it was time to push, I didn't know how, I tried and a throaty growl emerged. Again I tried and again the energy bounced back up and got stuck in my throat. It was getting dark now and Laura and Veege listened and counted by glowing watch and flashlight, things changed. I started hearing 11/12 and worse 9/10. As the cold microphone was placed on my belly I felt helpless and unsure, those numbers felt like a knife in my heart. We moved to the birth stool where Laura explained between contractions that your head was tilted and my cervix had dilated asymmetrically, there was a lip that had swollen and we needed to wait to push again. The urge was so strong; it took everything to resist it. Laura was sitting in front of me as she instructed Mia, I heard Laura say something about saying a prayer over the water, because we were infusing the essence of the medicine into the water. Thank God, if anyone could invoke the healing power of the medicine I needed it was Mia. We moved to the bed, on all fours with Daddy holding my hand, I tried to hang on. Like a ship in the middle of a black storm, the waves crashed over my body and I fought like hell to stay afloat. Laura had me howling, every so often the waves would take me, but like a life line I clung to that sound. Flashes of your Aunt Meghan came into my mind, was this what she had felt? She was so strong. How could I do what my big sister might have died trying to do? What if I could no longer hold on and the waves took me? Then blessed numbers 12/13 you were ok. I could let go and move with the intensity of my body. Laura moved my cervix so I could push. With all my strength I pushed your head past that lip. We moved back to the birth stool. I had seen it, the darkness, the veil had become so thin, dark…light, life…death, all that separated us was a straight line of love. I found a place inside where grace is fierce and love outshines fear and I pushed…hard. I felt blood vessels burst and muscles seize, but "I" didn't matter any more. All that mattered was you. That you made it to your Daddy's loving arms and that he got to show you all the beauty of this world. All that mattered was that you got to see the ocean, and the trees and someday the eyes of your beloved. And, at some point you discovered the light that lives within you; the courage, grace, and beauty that is your heart, my dear one. The light that I have known since the moment our journey began. I pushed for you to know these things. I pushed to the end and then further. I pushed and felt your head, I pushed and you were thru, I pushed and with a slippery gush you were in our arms. You were here, the darkness faded and there was only light. I held you for the first time and you glowed, maybe from the flashlight but maybe from something more.

    Laura said at one of our first meetings that in labor we have a choice. That with each contraction we choose love or we choose suffering. So I choose love and I hope to teach you that in life we have that same choice. I hope to teach you so many things my sweet boy, but for now I want you to know that in our short time together you have already taught me so much. I emerge from this journey, this right of passage knowing my strength, my resiliency, my trust, and faith. I emerge no longer questioning "Am I enough?" or "Do I deserve this life?" I emerge a better woman. I emerge your Mother.

• Asher's Birth

  • Our Birth Story
    Asher Everett Siemer
    Born May 6, 2011 at 10:14 pm at home in White City, Or
    He weighed in at 7 pounds 5 ounces and was 19 ½ inches long.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    After being pregnant for nine months, I was pretty ready for our baby to be born. We did not yet know whether our new addition would be a boy or a girl but my due date of May 7th was approaching and we were filled with both nervous excitement and trepidation. I began some remedies to help my body prepare for birth such as taking evening primrose oil, long walks, and eating foods like pineapple and licorice.

    On Thursday May 5th at nine in the evening, I used the restroom and noticed some bloody mucus on the tissue and my stomach was not feeling "normal". I showed Eric the tissue and we both were taken aback – excited yet unsure of what to do next. This was the first sign that you, Asher, would be born in the next few days. After nine months of waiting, it was a nervous moment when we realized that your time was here and we were finally going to be parents. It was similar to the feeling I had when I took the first home pregnancy test and it was positive. We were so excited, nervous, and disbelieving that it worked!

    After Eric and I shared nervous smiles, I called Laura, our exceptional midwife and told her the news. She was thrilled for us, told us it was perfect, and told us to go to bed and get some sleep. We took her advice and I slept from nine that evening until three the next morning when I was awoken by what I would refer to as "cramp-tractions" for the next several hours. I called Laura back and she told me to take some skullcap (an herbal sleep aid remedy) and go back to sleep. I did so and I slept until six that morning. At six o'clock, the cramptractions were not enabling me to sleep so I got up, ate some breakfast, and puttered around the house getting things prepared. Eric went shopping to get some final supplies for the homebirth, mainly perishable foods for Me. At ten o'clock on Friday morning, Laura came over and assessed the situation. She confirmed the bloody show, reassured us that things were progressing normally and that we were doing an excellent job. At this point, I was able to focus on my breathing during the contractions and they would pass fairly uneventfully although I would not continue conversing with Laura and Eric during the contractions. Before Laura left, she told me that when I was ready to "take things to the next level", "speed things up", or "move things along" I should take a walk. When she left, I told Eric that I wasn't sure that I ever wanted to speed things up but I also didn't want to stay in cramptractions stage forever.

    About thirty minutes later I told Eric that I was ready to take a walk. We left Hazel at home as Eric had his hands full dealing with me. We walked about a quarter mile and I had contractions about every five minutes. I would stop and lean on Eric and breathe through them and we would continue walking. When we got home, Eric grabbed Hazel and went for a run.

    While Eric was gone, the contractions intensified and became more frequent. I began using an elbows and knees position in addition to focused breathing to get through them. I prepared the bedroom by closing the drapes and lighting candles. I got out my birth ball and sat on it and leaned my head on the bed while working through some of the contractions. Eric returned and was surprised at how quickly things had shifted. We timed some contractions and he called Laura around noon with a report of the frequency and duration of my contractions. She confirmed that everything was still going perfectly and that we should call her back with the next shift of events. My parents stopped by around two pm to drop off some food and I gave my mom her mother's day tree as mother's day was on Sunday. I had about three minutes of normalcy between contractions at this point so I said a quick hello and goodbye to my parents and retreated to my birth haven. Eric ushered my parents out and returned to the bedroom to support me through the contractions, which were now lasting around a minute, and were averaging about 5 minutes apart. Around four o'clock the contractions had intensified to the point where moaning or vocalizing through them as Laura had suggested earlier wasn't helping any longer and I had begun to have back labor. Even on the bed on my hands and knees, I was not coping as well as I had been with the stronger more frequent contractions coupled with the back labor. I told Eric to call Laura and tell her to come. While we waited for Laura to arrive (and hopefully make it all better), Eric began counter pressure on my back which helped ease some of the back pain.

    After a long 45 minutes, Laura arrived and brought with her a knowledge and presence that soothed our concerns. Eric raced to get the birthing tub set up with hot water and to simultaneously apply counter pressure to my back every contraction. At this point my contractions were only a couple of minutes apart and were lasting from one and a half to four or more minutes each. Eric's counter pressure is all that helped me get through this stage of labor – it was all he could do to press hard enough in the right spot (which kept changing as the baby moved) for long enough to keep me happy. He never once complained when his forearms cramped, or when he dripped sweat, or when I yelled at him for the umpteenth time that he needed to push harder or softer or to the left or to the right for which I will be eternally grateful. At some point during all this Mia(apprentice Midwife) and Sarah (other midwife to assist) arrived. I was so focused on the contractions that I was completely oblivious to the fact that they did not arrive at the same time. The extra help was starting to be needed, so the timing was great.

    

    Eventually, around maybe seven o'clock, I asked Laura to get in the birthing tub. She said that would be okay as long as it didn't slow my contractions down. Getting in the tub was heaven. My pain went from an eight or nine to a four. I could cope and simply breathe through the contractions again and my back labor was gone. I was thrilled that the warm water and relaxation didn't seem to slow the contractions and that I could finally relax. I labored in the tub for several hours during which the intensity of my contractions increased again. Finally, I told Laura that it felt like I needed to "do something". She told me that my body would know what to do – and it did! My first pushing contraction felt like I was a wet rag that someone was wringing out. My whole body torqued, the top half of my body turned right and the bottom half turned left. More of my contractions became pushing contractions and I had to change positions in the tub.

    Pushing contractions felt, to me, like the knotted stomach sensation when you're sick and going to vomit. My whole body would knot up and then I was supposed to push (read, intensify the sensation) on top of the pain from the pushing contraction. It took awhile for me to surrender to the need to do just that. In the tub, I couldn't find a position that I could effectively push from. Eventually, I told everyone I needed to get out of the tub and back onto the bed. On the bed, I could curl up into a mini-turtle / compressed hands and knees position and really push with my body. It was hard and it hurt but at least I could do it in that position.

    After awhile, I moved from the bed to the birthing stool where I could push from a squatting position. This part was a lot of work. I grunted and shouted and pushed with everything I had and sometimes I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. At one point Laura said to me, reach in and you can touch your baby's head with your finger. I touched the head and was amazed but I was so focused on pushing the baby out that I wasn't distracted for long. Next, Laura said to Eric and the other midwives that she could see the bulging bag of water and that the baby was going to be born in the caul which was pretty exciting as I had a dream that our tiny dark haired baby was born face down in the caul. As the bag of water bulged and I pushed with all my might, Asher's head slipped into the bulging part of the bag of waters and, with the next push, he slipped right out of the bag and his whole body slithered onto the floor. Eric picked him up and put him on my stomach and kept saying "Look Tess, it's your baby!" I looked down and told him "It's a boy!" and we began referring to him as Asher.

    The midwives took care of me – stopping bleeding, stitching, dealing with "shocky-ness – and Eric and I took care of you, Asher. We left you attached to your umbilical cord for a few hours and then I cut it and you became your own little separate entity. We cuddled and loved you and desperately tried to figure out what to do next with our new little man who we already loved so much...

• Alana's Birth
  • 

    This is the story of the birth of my daughter, Alana Joy. In essence it's an ancient love story, universal and yet entirely unique. It was the end of a hot August, and soon my maidenhood would end. As my initiation into motherhood approached, there were many days over 100 degrees, the heat and my swollen ankles kept me inside most of the time. As I passed my 40 week due date, on August 22, I eagerly awaited the arrival of my daughter. My body was heavy and full. With swimming, crawling, and evening primrose, I encouraged our little girl to come. We let her know we were eager and ready for her arrival. It was a Friday afternoon, and Chris and I went swimming at the Jackson Wellsprings. While there a nurse who worked in a maternity ward told me, "the barometer's dropping and lots of babies are born when the weather turns cold!"

    The next morning I awoke at about 4 am with some cramping. I arose and went outside. There was a distinct chill in the air as I watched the moon, which was a few days past full, shining through the clouds at dawn. The cramping continued throughout the day. Before breakfast Chris and I walked through the vineyard behind our house, and we wondered, would our baby be born today?

    The surges continued throughout the day, 3-6 minutes apart, lasting about 20 seconds coming with irregular regularity. We were in contact with Laura, our midwife. We ate good food and rested. Laura suggested I crawl around the house twice for 30-minute periods, which helped encourage good positioning of the baby. Chris burned sage and opened ceremonial space. Around 6 pm we took a romantic bath together, lighting candles, saying prayers and welcoming the birthing journey. This brought on more intense contractions. Laura guesses I was about 4 cm here, although we never once checked my dilation. For this I am grateful, numbers and measurements seemed less important than riding the waves of energy that were bringing our baby home.

    Around 9 pm we started to see some waters leaking out, indicating the cervix was opening. I began active labor about this time, 5 1/2 hours before Alana was born. I retreated to the bedroom, which I would emerge from a full week later with my daughter. Much of the rest of the night, I was laying on my side in bed, Chris was behind me holding acupressure points on my back. Music was playing in the candlelit room. Laura arrived about 10:30. "It was clear I was entering sacred space," she said reflecting on the night.

    Things began to intensify. "Remember to relax fully, let the bed hold you between surges" Laura encouraged. As I did this, my body could fully use the power of each surge to open. After one particularly peaceful interlude listening to Snatum Kaur, my waters broke with a short and gentle surge. I immediately felt the urge to push. Each transition was smooth and natural. I welcomed the increasing intensity as the sensations transformed. My mind was quiet and I completely trusted my body and never once felt fear or anxiety during the journey.

    I spent much of the pushing phase on the toilet. "It feels like the endless poop" was one of my few remarks throughout the whole birth. Chris and I danced with grace through the journey. His full, calm presence anchored me as I traveled between worlds to bring our baby home. He held my feet to the ground, reminding me to stay centered and use my breath to bring the energy down deep into my womb. I felt calm and safe, totally trusting my body and my baby. "Tune into the love you have for your baby, and her love for you" Laura reminded me. Indeed, it was an initiation for us both, our sacred connection bringing me into motherhood and her into physical existence outside my body.

    Our assistant midwife, Sarah, arrived about 45 minutes before Alana's birth. My daughter's head, a soft fleshy mohawk, began peaking out from my yoni. Shortly after this, I squatted on the birthing stool, leaning my back against the bed. Fully in my power, the goddess within erupted with primal screams, loud and strong, each surge bringing her head closer. I felt the ring of fire as she crowned, yet it was as if I was both the witness and the participant in this holy act. "Now close your mouth on the next surge, bring all your power down and birth your baby!" Laura suggested. As her head came out, Laura unwrapped the cord, and then with the next breath I felt her tiny body rushing out of mine in a river of fluid. Chris caught her and immediately placed her warm, wet love on my chest. Moments later she let out a scream, letting us know she was here and healthy. Within a few minutes, I birthed the placenta, which was soft and refreshing after the bones of my daughter had just traveled the same path. She remained attached to the placenta for the next several hours. I was overwhelmed with love and satisfaction at having my daughter in my arms. I began to feel woozy, and Laura and Sarah lifted me onto the bed while Chris held Alana against his bare chest. She was then returned to my body, and eventually crawled upward to latch onto my nipple.

    

    By the time we went to sleep it was dawn. Sunlight welcomed our daughter for the first time as we drifted off to sleep. The feeling of her tiny body next to mine and the sound of her breath were still surreal. I wondered did this beautiful, perfect body really grow inside of me? During the following days as I stayed in bed healing, I had to give more than ever before. I adjusted to the role of mother, accepting that I was the one she needed. As exhausted as I was, I couldn't turn my back on her. Although we were now separated by air and space, she and I were still one. I was her everything, the source of her sustenance and comfort. She needed me, and I needed her. The smell of her sweet milky breath and feeling of her soft fuzzy head enchanted me. And this is how I opened to a love more pure than my heart had ever known, as I became mother to my daughter.

• Scarlett's Birth

  • We moved back to Southern Oregon to have our first baby within our supportive community and with the assistance of Laura and Veege as our midwives. However, we did not make it down until I was 34 weeks pregnant. I had had a couple of meetings with Laura while we were still in Portland. Other than that, I didn't feel that I needed prenatal care partly because of my midwifery training and the fact that we didn't want any prenatal testing anyway. I knew how to take care of myself and I trusted the wellness of this pregnancy.

    Finding the right place to live in Southern Oregon, moving during the end of pregnancy, and developing a new kind of relationship with Laura all strengthened my trust in the process. It took some soul searching to find the right balance of hands-off faith in myself and my baby and surrendering myself to being cared for by midwives. It is an invaluable blessing that they were willing to walk that path with us, especially as the pregnancy lasted longer than 42 weeks. I continued checking in with myself, our baby, and Cliff to make sure that everything was still perfect and safe. It was a daily process and I was able to stay in a place of trusting that all was unfolding as it should with no need to do anything. Towards the end, it was challenging feeling like we were just waiting for our baby to come. We were so ready for it.

    For a few nights I had contractions all night that I could sleep through and that faded away in the mornings. Saturday evening the surges picked back up but started earlier than the previous evenings. Around six or so they were coming every ten minutes. I was able to talk through them and continue to do things around the house, so we made dinner. After dinner, the contractions were getting a bit stronger and closer together so I called Laura to let her know.

    

    About an hour later it was clear I was not going to be able to sleep through the night so Cliff called Laura to check in. I slept between the surges which were coming about every five minutes. It felt really good to have Cliff's hand resting lightly on my lower back to keep me centered. The contractions felt like menstrual cramps but much, much stronger.

    Throughout the night I got in the shower a few times, lay in bed trying to sleep between surges, sat on the toilet, and leaned on the bed with my knees on the floor. At some point I looked out the window and could see the dawn light in the sky. I couldn't believe I had labored all night.

    I woke Cliff up shortly after the sky had begun to get light. I was needing emotional support more than anything and the contractions were getting strong enough that I was vocalizing through them. Sometimes they were coming every three to five minutes and sometimes they would space out to ten minutes apart.

    I still felt like I was able to integrate the intensity of the surges and so Cliff called Laura to check in around eight Sunday morning. She asked if I could tell what position the baby was in and I couldn't be sure, but it felt like it was maybe on the right side. After an hour I felt like things were no longer moving forward and that maybe the baby's position had something to do with it. Cliff called Laura to come over. When she got to our house I was feeling pretty deep in labor. I cried telling Laura that I just wanted the baby to come out. I was feeling so ready to get on with things. Laura felt the baby and listened and it was on the right. The contractions were feeling more like a band from the left side of my lower belly wrapping around my back.

    Around 2 o'clock in the afternoon Laura suggested that she check me to see in what direction we should move. I was getting tired and could not sleep well between the surges. I really had not wanted to be checked being afraid that knowing how dilated I was would make it harder to to stay focused on the present moment and that I would get too wrapped up in my head. I could see how it would be helpful information though and so I said okay. I cried about it and was terrified I would only be 2 centimeters. Laura checked me and the baby's head was low, but I was only a couple of centimeters open. I was devastated. Laura massaged some evening primrose oil onto my cervix and I could barely feel it. I realized that I had not been feeling the contractions in my cervix at all – really only in the band around my belly and back.

    I felt like such a disappointment. I hadn't wanted to take early labor so seriously and the whole time labor had felt so real and intense. I was confused and felt like a failure at giving birth. I cried out my disappointment with Cliff.

    Laura gave me some herbs to mellow things out and help me sleep and for the next hour I slept hard between contractions that had spaced out a bit. Laura consulted with Rhione, another midwife, and gave me a couple homeopathic remedies. The first one, Ipecac, eased up the band in my back and got rid of the nausea I had been feeling. The next remedy was Caulophyllum and that got rid of the band entirely by around 3:30. The surges picked back up and I got in the shower for a bit.

    When I got out I sat on the yoga ball facing Cliff. The surges were so much more tolerable. They were still super strong but in a way that felt right. Laura listened to the baby and it had moved to the left side. It felt like the band had kept the baby from getting into the optimal position. I went back and forth between the toilet and the yoga ball. I kept imagining that my body was as big as the universe and had all the open space that my baby needed to come through. Looking into Cliff's eyes kept me centered and focused. Eventually I said that I didn't think that I wanted to do this much longer and the yoga ball wasn't working anymore. There was too much pressure right where I wanted to stay open so I moved onto the birth stool. Laura called Veege to come over.

    My body started to feel like pushing but when I went with that feeling, it felt like the band came back around my belly. I tried to push past that feeling and it would go away by the middle of the contraction but come back with the beginning of the next one. I suddenly felt super nauseous and threw up. As I was throwing up, I sarted to feel like one of my ribs was out. It was extrememly uncomfortable to be vomiting when my back hurt and I was having pushing contractions. I felt like a train wreck. Veege arrived shortly after that.

    I reached inside to feel my baby's head and I felt it but at that point I couldn't keep my fingers inside during a contraction because I couldn't focus.

    The amniotic sac released with a pop at the end of a surge and the fluid was a swampy green color. Veege immediately listened to the baby and it was having some heart rate decels but was bouncing back okay. It was time for my baby to be born. Veege checked me and found a slight cervical lip remaining which explained why pushing was uncomfortable. I moved to hands and knees and had to breathe through a handful of contractions. It was the hardest thing to do yet. I had to maintain eye contact with Cliff with intense focus while I blew through the surge so that I wouldn't push. At some point I couldn't not push so I got back on the birth stool and Laura held the lip back while I pushed the baby's head past it.

    I reached in and felt how much lower the baby was and this time I kept feeling while I pushed to see what progress we were making. The baby's head definitely moved down with each surge although at the time I felt like it wasn't coming fast enough. I was pushing with everything I had and was gripping Cliff's hand so hard.

    The baby's head started crowning and Veege held a mirror for me to see it. After a few more contractions, the head was born. Laura unwrapped one loop of cord from around its neck and I reached down with Cliff to feel the head. One more push and the body was born. I reached down and Cliff, Laura and I caught her and brought her up to my chest. It was 7:46 pm on July 4th. The baby was immediately aware and taking breaths. She had gunk in her throat and lungs so I held her head lower than her body while she worked it all out.

    While the baby was getting the gunk out, Laura started to get concerned about how much blood I was losing and worked on getting my placenta out. Veege gave me a bunch of herbs and Laura told me to push out the placenta. It came out with membranes trailing but my bleeding slowed way down. We moved to the bed and our baby girl started nursing right away. I had some trouble with dizziness and I felt pretty weak but my yoni was intact and our baby was doing great. We named her Scarlett Sokei Miya.

    

    I feel incredibly empowered by Scarlett's birth. Although the first part of labor was long and dysfuntional, once the band was resolved the labor was very fast and very functional – I went from two centimeters to the birth of my baby in just over four hours. I have never before had such a profound personal experience with homeopathics.

    In addition to the constrictive band, the placenta had some interesting things about it. It was circumvalate and small and the umbilical cord had a filamentous insertion. One of the umbilical arteries had detached from the placenta before Scarlett was born and is likely where the bleeding was coming from. It also seems that Scarlett needed a little extra time inside to grow due to her small, restricted placenta. Our bodies knew the perfect timing for her to come out.

    Considering these anomalies and how they would have been received if they had been found prior to the birth, I feel incredibly grateful and validated in the trust I had in my ablility to birth at home with no prenatal screening. I know that the care I received from Laura and Veege helped to manifest our desire to birth normally. The remedies shifted my labor into a flowing pattern that felt right and worked. And the trust that Cliff, Laura and Veege had in me held the space for such an empowering experience.

• Esme's Birth

  • Dear Esme,

    Your birth was a long time comin'....now that don't mean that you were late. We simply mean to imply that we waited near the edge of our seat for quite some time while foolishly trying to predict your date of arrival. It was 4am on Wednesday, September 15th, 2010 when momma first started feeling her uterus working. There had been lots of uterine action for most of the pregnancy but momma sensed that this was actually the beginning of labor. Grandma Ruth was just about to leave for Miami after being in Ashland for two weeks hoping you would be born before her departure but you were serious about doing things in your own timing. Momma didn't have the heart to tell Grandma Ruth that she was beginning labor just as Ruth was about to catch a cab to the airport. Tears...lots of tears...momma was emotionally drained...but with some herbal assistance momma was able to go back to sleep with contractions about 10 minutes apart. As it became evident that labor would continue to progress, nothing mattered but your safe and happy arrival.

    Everyone in the house was awake by 9am and momma was still in limbo, not certain if this would actually be the day. She was happy at the thought of your birth but saddened that Ruth would miss it. With steady contractions still at 10 minutes apart we all had a hearty breakfast. After speaking to Laura, the midwife, Momma crawled around on the floor for 30 minutes to try and make sure you wouldn't be posterior. Naiya joined in on the crawling and they pretended to be momma and baby dogs. The upbeat playlist was playing on the ipod dock and the mood was still rather light as Funny Little Frog in My Throat by Bell & Sebastian played.

    Manageable contractions were now at 5 minutes apart and momma got into the shower...turned the music up...and worked her hips as Celia Cruz sang "La Vida es un Carnaval". Upon getting out of the shower momma felt the need to give Naiya some dedicated time, knowing this would be her last hours as the only child. They watched "Little Rascals" while lying on the couch. Pat was still in town and went to the store to get a coffee press because we assumed it would be an all-nighter. Near the end of the movie, around 1 pm, Kate and Maddie showed up with lunch from the Co Op. Momma was happy to see their excitement, but as soon as Kate asked about Grandma leaving, she started crying again. During their short visit...contractions intensified and momma went into the bedroom for privacy. They left as Pat returned, though she went right back out to take Naiya to the park. Momma and poppa soldiered on in the back room, changing from birth ball to bed, to toilet, back to ball and so on. You were definitely on your way.

    Laura, the midwife arrived at about 4:30pm....it was a turning point for Sarah. Upon her arrival momma began to weep (again) and collapsed into Laura's arms. She was tired, missed her mother and was about to break through the sadness in order to begin active labor. Laura checked Mommy's dilation a little after 5pm. She said we were 4 - 5 cm, but during a contraction the bulging bag of water in front of your head opened her up to about 7. On the next contraction your mucus plug came out (finally!), which thrilled mommy because she had been looking for it for weeks already. We were so relieved and excited to be almost half way to getting to see you!

    The mellow birth music we had chosen was playing now and Mommy was singing to it when she could, while trying to remain soft and strong. Laura's presence proved to be a welcomed one, as things intensified again. Daddy started to fill the birth tub (aka rubbermaid trough) with warm water, as Laura and Mommy sang along to John Prine and Bonnie Raitt's, "Angel from Montgomery."

    After cleaning up from a couple minor mishaps (i.e. the hose popping up out of the tub while running water and the tub draining water all over the carpet), the tub was full and Momma was ready to try the water. She got in, declared it to be too hot, and got out just a few minutes later. At some point your water broke with just a trickle, which again delighted everyone because it meant progress and finally getting to meet you.

    Mommy was laying on the bed, on her side now, with Daddy next to her, trying to rest in between contractions. Just as it seemed as though she had figured out how to cope with this stage and intensity of labor, she had a contraction that felt pushy, took her breath away and ended with a huge splash of water all over the bed. She felt a huge relief... and then lots more pressure. It was time to get in the water again.

    Momma climbed back into the tub and felt the need to squat & push right away. She was pushing and pulling against the side of the tub during contractions now and could no longer stay soft. Naiya had been coming in and out of the room for awhile, but was now sitting on the bed watching, while munching loudly on spicy thai flavored potato chips. She seemed to be simply enjoying the show.

    Mommy could feel your head now with her fingers, but felt so much burning pressure towards the back that she doubted your position and her ability to finish the journey. Laura suggested that we try the birthing stool to see if pushing felt better that way. Mommy stood up in the water to try to get out, but quickly said, "I can't do that," and squatted right back down. She says that as soon as she came up out of the water it felt as though there were bricks inside her, pulling down on her. Back in the water now, she remembers thinking that she had to let you "fill her up" and let you come right down into that stinging place. Only a couple contractions later she felt you starting to crown, and pushed. She heard Laura say, "we have a head!" Mommy didn't have the energy to correct her and tell her that in fact she had birthed all of you in one single push, but just a second later Laura looked down and said, "Oh! we have a baby!" It was 9:03pm.

    Momma sat back as Laura supported you in the water, brought you through Mommy's legs and slid the cord from around your neck. Mommy then brought you out of the water and onto her chest. You were completely calm and totally alert. You looked just like Naiya did at birth. Although a bit scrawnier that we expected, 7 lbs., 12 oz., you were perfect. That night our new family of 4 cozied up into bed together for the first time.

• Rhys’s Birth
  • 

    I really feel that our journey began almost two years before I birthed Rhys. I became pregnant for the second time in the late summer of 2008. The pregnancy ended after only about 14 weeks, yet I had connected deeply with the baby spirit who had tried to enter our world. Throughout the next year I discovered why that spirit had not made a complete journey into our family. My husband, Devin, and my daughter, Grace, and I had some work to do first. Devin and I separated for a few months and began a healing path that resulted in a renewed commitment to each other and our family. Grace turned 5 and had a year of growing independence! She began to separate from the concrete bond she and I have had all her life.

    I believe now that Rhys was waiting for us to make a little room for him. Grace moved over a bit, and Devin and I opened our arms wider to love and life and family.

    Healing from the loss of that pregnancy only came when I forgave myself for the loss and began to trust my body and my ability as a woman and mother. I had not realized how deeply connected my identity was to my ability to successfully bear children. When I failed, my sense of myself as a woman was bruised.

    When I discovered I was pregnant again at the end of the summer of 2009, I was cautiously optimistic. I understood this time that so many things can and do go wrong when we are growing babies, and what a miracle the process really is. However, I also had a renewed sense of trust in myself and my body. I trusted the spirit of my baby and the wisdom he carried. I knew that he had come back to us now that we were ready.

    My pregnancy was refreshingly uncomplicated and smooth. Morning sickness came and went quickly. My chronic back pain seemed to have diminished and then disappear. The only peculiarity was how big I was measuring through the entire pregnancy. The size of my belly made us all think that I was further along than the ultrasounds were showing. We thought I would deliver early.

    I received care from Dr. John Delgado, who had delivered Grace and been our family doctor since. I planned to birth at Ashland Community Hospital. My due date was April 20th. On April 21st I went to my scheduled appointment where Dr. Delgado told me he was leaving town for an "emergency conference" in Florida. He was leaving me in the care of another local doctor, Leslie Stone. Because I had passed my date, he sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test and ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid levels. When I was at the hospital, he called again to tell me that Dr. Stone was not able to be on call as she was also going out of town for the following week. He said that Miriam Soriano was to be on call.

    I felt anxious, but was focused on the monitoring of my baby and body. They had me worried that my fluids were too high. By the time I went home, though, I was feeling extremely anxious about being in the care of a doctor I had never met. I reached out to Mama's Medicine Wheel, a local resource for moms, asking if anyone had birthed with this doctor I had never heard of. I received several replies ranging from a mediocre review to one doula who strongly urged me to find another doctor because she had seen this doctor deliver several babies and had never seen anyone pull so hard on the infants emerging head! I was already feeling uncomfortable with the idea of birthing with a stranger, and now these bad reviews! I tried not to panic, but I felt increasingly angry. I began to feel that my choices were being ripped away.

    The next day I spent all day on the phone with local doctors, the birthing center, and learned very little about who actually was on call at the hospital on which days. I also learned that the only other team of doctors who had delivering rights at my local hospital would not take me on because I was now "post dates". I felt the panic in my chest rising. I was so angry that I was spending my last days pregnant trying to find someone to deliver my baby! I had imagined these last days would be about breathing, relaxing, taking baths, and preparing food.

    

    That afternoon I was on the phone with my husband, telling him what I had learned and how extremely angry I was. I knew I would not birth with the on-call doctor, but what were my options? He stopped me and said one of the most important things he has ever said to me, "Helen, I understand you are hurt and angry and feeling abandoned, but I want you to set the anger aside for now. I want you to make this decision based on what you want. What do you want? Come to this decision from that place."

    I knew exactly what he meant. We had taken a 5 week CHI class early that spring at Hidden Springs that practiced the art of focusing on what we want to create, and how to heal the obstacles that arise. I took a deep breath and thought about what I wanted.

    I wanted to birth with someone I trusted. I wanted to labor in a way that felt supported and conscious and planned. I wanted to look in the face of the person who would catch my baby, and know them and know that they knew me. I wanted to be seen and respected as I birthed my son.

    That evening I called Laura Roe. She was the midwife I had wanted to deliver Grace 5 years ago. Toward the end of my pregnancy with Grace, she had transferred me to the care of Dr. Delgado when I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I birthed in the hospital and missed out on the home birth I had wanted. I asked Laura, knowing it was a long shot due to my "post date" status, if she would consider guiding my birth and helping me deliver at home. I heard the long deep breath she took on the other end of the phone line. I knew I was asking a lot. We talked about why I wanted this, about my health this time around (which was excellent) and about our readiness and willingness as a family in this last minute request. She said she needed to see my charts from the doctor and she wanted to sit with myself and Devin before she could make a decision.

    The next morning she arrived early and sat with us for almost 2 hours. We talked about the journey we had taken to get to this moment and all of our feelings about it. Laura had a lot of questions for us.

    By the same time the next day, Saturday, Laura had committed to us and to the birth. I was excited and relieved.

    I had an ultrasound scheduled for the following Monday because my fluids were high and I was almost 41 weeks. The tech estimated the baby to be 9lbs 15 oz and asked what my plans were. Because the ultrasound had been originally scheduled by the doctor, I had just politely asked that the report also be sent to Laura Roe. I never said that I was planning on birthing at home, but I think they red-flagged my chart. The doctor came in to review the ultrasound, and immediately suggested that I birth in the hospital. The first thing she said was, "with a baby this size, the worst-case-scenario is that the shoulders get stuck and the baby dies." Wow. I was polite, but left thinking about how fear-based the mainstream care was. I vowed to not go back to the doctor or hospital unless it was medically necessary. I would birth this boy at home with the love and faith and clarity that we were now building with our midwife. Laura was not afraid of the size of the baby. She felt the size of my pelvis and was confident that my body would allow this birth. I thought it was interesting that the doctor would make assumptions without even feeling my pelvis.

    

    We were on a time line due to the fact that midwives are required to transfer care when a woman passes 42 weeks. We discussed the options of natural induction. I had a couple days of accupuncture, colonics, walking, and sex, but this boy was not ready to come.

    Laura suggested another ultrasound to check fluid levels. She said that if I was 2 weeks post dates I wouldn't be expected to have high fluid levels, and that if the levels were still good, we might get away with waiting a couple more days without having to transfer me to the care of a doctor. I was dreading walking back in that office. I asked Laura if I could just have one more night, and if in the morning I wasn't in labor, I would get that ultrasound. She agreed. Sure enough, by 9 am, I sensed that the contractions were stronger than the Braxton-hicks that I'd had. I sent Devin to work, though, knowing that this was just the beginning. But by 10:30 I called him to come back home. Laura came about noon which was when I was starting to sit on the birthing ball and breathe through contractions. It was May 6th, a beautiful warm day. 16 days past my due date.

    Grace and Laura sang along to the soundtrack for Annie. Devin hung out with me in the bedroom. I was fed, hydrated, and massaged. Grace held my hand tight through hard contractions. In the afternoon we felt that it was time to call our support team: My mom, Devin's mom, and Devin's sister Meghan. Laura called her team: Veege, and Naya. I stayed in my bedroom and bathroom, but I sensed the fun and love and peace in the rest of the house. Now and then I heard music and laughter.

    The contractions were intense. I felt best on the bed on hands and knees. Laura reminded me to feel the love and strength in Devin's hand and Grace's hand that held mine, and to breathe that strength into each contraction. She had me visualize my baby moving down into position. I used the tools from the CHI class and visualizations to guide me. They fed me smoothies and water, Grace liked doing it. She ran in and out of the room, checking on me and helping Laura with the doppler. I remember noticing at some point that the light was changing, and wondering why this was taking so long. Grace's birth had only lasted 6 hours. But no one said anything about time or about progress. I was trusted completely. Everyone present trusted me completely. And that gave me permission to trust myself.

    

    I dropped into that Trust. I trusted my body, and I trusted my baby. More than anything, I trusted my baby. I knew he had waited a long time for this, and that his timing was perfect.

    Laura or Veege suggested I sit on the birthing stool, which felt really great. I began to get lost in my contractions, closing my eyes and moaning. Laura asked me to look at her and as I came back, I felt that I needed to stay present. They took turns sitting in front of me, looking into my eyes, meeting me where I was, and moaning and singing with me. They coached me to keep my voice low and my jaw relaxed. I had more focus than I have ever experienced. I was completely present. Veege asked me to stand up and raise my knees one at a time. It was difficult, but as I looked out at the sky getting slightly dark, I felt my baby twist and slide down inside me. I sat back down on the stool and a moment later I felt myself instinctively pushing against myself inside. It felt good, a relief when I pushed. Veege told me to go with it, and we trusted my body again. As I let go into the sensations, I pushed and my water broke. All over Veege! All over everything! And yes, I had plenty of fluid! Seconds later I vomited. The sensation of my baby snuggled down into me in the right position felt good. And pushing felt good. I felt strong. To me it felt like one long contraction, ebbing and flowing and bringing my baby closer. I felt the spirit of god moving through me, growling through my throat and huffing air through my nose. I gave myself over completely to the power that was moving through me. It was so big.

    10 minutes after my water broke, Laura caught my baby boy and handed him up to me. He was beautiful. Grace and Devin were beside me and then I finally noticed the crowd that was hovering at the door of our very small bedroom: both Grandmas, Auntie Meghan, and Naya. I think they all were crying. Veege and Laura took up the small amount of space that was beside me on the floor. What a team! I felt so powerful. I felt energized in those moments I first held him. Whatever had moved through me was still pulsing.

    The midwives were very attentive, but didn't intervene unnecessarily. My son gurgled a little bit, but was breathing fine in my arms and didn't need suction. Everyone was saying how big he was. But I didn't think so. I had pushed him out easily in 10 minutes and it felt good! He couldn't be very big! Or could he? Later, after he weighed in at 10 lbs 3 oz, I laughed because I had thought he was small based on how he felt coming out. I thought it funny that I thought I knew what a 10 pound baby felt like coming out of my body. Grace was less than 8 pounds. Of course I didn't know what a 10 lb baby felt like because I had never had one. But THIS baby, coming out of MY body, felt just right. And, he happened to be over 10 pounds!

    

    My birthing experience was perfect. All births are, really. But this is a birth journey that taught us so many things. And I am grateful.

    I could have had Rhys in the hospital. He still would have been beautiful. We would have loved him just as much. But I wouldn't have had the opportunity to recover my power. I refused to let my doctor decide for me where, when, or with whom I birthed my son. If I had continued care with him, I would have been medically induced. I may have ended up with a C-section. I definitely wouldn't have been trusted so completely. I wouldn't have learned how to trust myself again. I wouldn't have had the experience of power in my decision making and power in pushing my big baby into the world.

    I believe that a home birth was the best decision for us. It may not be for everyone. But I believe that women should have choices. We should choose when and where and with whom we will birth our babies. It is our right to make these choices and we should be wary of anyone who tries to take that power from us.

    I learned about power. The power of a mother bear, which is how they described me as I pushed Rhys out. I move forward in my life as a woman, and as a parent, with that power, and I hold it close.

    --

    Helen M. Mahoney

• James' Birth
  • 

    Today James is already 5 days old. It was immediately evident, from the moment he was born, that he is his own unique, individual little person, and in so many ways different than Boone.

    Mommy is getting plenty of rest, has a huge appetite, and overall, is recovering very well. I ventured up the stairs yesterday for the first time, and had no trouble at all.

    James has had a bit of a hard time keeping up with my milk supply, but I’ve figured out that frequent burpings every couple minutes is the trick to helping him keep the milk down. The first couple of nights were a little rough, because he had so much air in his tummy and was spitting up everything he drank, but the last two nights have been picture perfect, thanks in part to Hyland’s Colic Tablets (a.k.a. miracle pills).

    So like most newborns, he sleeps most of the time, makes the cutest little squeaks and grunts in his sleep, and is just the snuggliest bundle of yumminess.

    

    Wednesday, March 11, was a normal day. I wasn’t having any significant activity, just a few Braxton Hicks here and there through the day. I spent most of the day working on Boone’s cloth diapers that have worn out elastic. My mom called me around 6pm to see how things were going, and I told her that nothing much was happening, just living normal life.

    Then right around 8pm, I was folding laundry, cleaning up dinner dishes, and getting Boone ready for bed when I noticed some pretty strong, deep contractions were coming just a few minutes apart. After an hour or so I could tell this wasn’t another false start (I’d had one the previous Friday), so I called Laura (my midwife) to tell her what was going on and that I would try to go to sleep and see what happens. Maybe ten minutes of lying down and I was back up, wanting to move around.

    Nathan called Laura the next time, and she and Veege (assistant midwife) came out about an hour later. I was so amazed at how different labor felt, because James stayed in the optimal position throughout the pregnancy, and there was little worry that back labor would be an issue. The contractions got stronger for sure, but never painful. I actually enjoyed it!

    

    Boone woke up for a couple hours and wanted to hang around and watch for awhile, and he was very sweet patting me on the back and 'helping' me breathe.

    There was about a half hour period where my contractions started spacing out, so I decided to lay down and try to sleep. After a short while, they revved up again, but I hadn’t wasted any energy worrying about it or trying to force them to speed up. One of the things I learned through Boone's labor was, be thankful for the breaks and pauses, or even false starts. It just means you get time to rest and your body will gear back up when it’s ready. Labor moved steadily along, and I only was in the water for a short time.

    

    Laura could tell somehow that something was keeping James from dropping near the very end, so she helped me get into a position that would let gravity do it quickly. I only had to push through 4 or 5 contractions, and it was a good thing he came out quickly because his cord was wrapped around his neck twice and then around and under his shoulder, and the placenta had separated simultaneously.

    But he wasn't in distress and he was born healthy and fine and they lived happily ever after. :D

• Fiona's Birth

  • I had lost my mucus plug in the bathroom of the massage therapist’s office on Saturday. I awoke in the morning, the following Wednesday, feeling achy in my belly. I thought maybe I was hungry, so I made a big pancake breakfast. While cooking, I felt an uncomfortable contraction. My husband Koeby said, “Are you having the baby today?” It being a week before my due date, I said “No,” and sent him to work. I talked to Laura on the phone and she said to take a shower and see if the achy contractions went away. I got in the shower at 8:00 and afterwards the contractions were still coming. I called my friend Nicoya, who came over so I wasn’t alone with my 2 year old son. I called Koeby home by 9:30, which didn’t surprise him at all. It was a strange feeling to have what I considered to be light contractions; I didn’t know what to do with myself. I walked around outside for a while. By 10:30 I needed to breathe through the contractions, and shortly afterwards my midwives Laura, Karen, and Maud all arrived. I felt I was surely in active labor.

    I labored in the rocking chair, then got into the big birth tub set up in my living room. I was listening to Joni Mitchell, and my little boy was in the room with us at that point, talking to me and touching the water. The water was soothing to my aching back. But then even the tub, after a little while, wasn’t comfortable. I got out and went into my bedroom. The contractions at this point were very intense and I started to feel weak and dizzy, which is not how you want to feel when you are having a baby! I was scared I wouldn’t have the strength to continue on. I said I thought I was going to pass out, so Laura had me lie down on the bed with my legs up on her shoulders while I breathed into a bag. I felt better quickly but the intensity and the pressure were just incredible! Then my bag of waters popped! Laura suggested that I get back to the tub if I wanted a water birth (as I’d said I did), so we moved quickly.

    I could feel the baby coming out all on its own as I stepped into the tub. The baby was strong and determined to come out by itself! The baby’s head was born above water level, before I could get down into the water, so Laura said that I needed to stand up so the baby would have room to be born. When I stood up, she came right out, with no pushing effort on my part at all! It was amazing. Right away, she was pink and making noise, grabbing her face. Koeby jumped into the tub so I could be supported and lay back on him, and our son came in and sang “Happy Birthday” to her. He had been baking a cake and outside with his grandmother, and wasn’t in the room when she was born, but it was nice that he was right there to see her afterwards.

    Then I got out of the tub and walked into my bedroom, where the placenta practically fell out on the carpet. I hardly bled at all afterwards, but I did feel woozy. I lied down while the midwives did the newborn exam- she weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces (almost two pounds less than my son!). Then I nursed her. When I tried to get up to pee, I did pass out onto the bed, so I was under strict orders to stay in bed for a few days without trips to the bathroom, so I had a chamber pot of sorts next to the bed. My husband took her for her first bath, then we tucked into bed for our babymoon time! It was a smooth, wonderful birth.

• Bodhi's Birth

  • The week before I gave birth, it was stormy and blustery outside. I knitted and took daily walks, and read. Koeby, my husband, began his leave from work on my due date, December 15th, to take care of our two small kids and the house, and allow me to rest and relax a bit. Thursday night, December 18th at 10:45 pm, my water broke while I was asleep in bed. I had had such a heavy feeling all week, and I suspected that my water would break first. I felt raw and uncomfortable, sleeping upright on a comfy chair, but contractions didn’t come. Friday morning we had a prenatal scheduled, so Laura come over and suggested we try and get things started. We headed off to see Jody Herriot, an acupuncturist, around noon. She put a needle into my shoulder and I immediately had a powerful contraction on the table, which continued the more needles she placed! It felt crazy to ask for labor to start, and it was weird knowing it was coming. The contractions were kind of light, but felt good and coordinated. While Koeby was paying, I went to the bathroom and had several contractions there. I was kind of spacey and think I might have just stayed there if he hadn’t checked on me and essentially told me to come out! We left the office at 1:30, canceling our plans for a lunch out, and headed home.

    Koeby put on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas CD, which I love, and left me in my rocking chair while he made me a grilled cheese. I sat holding my slippers, spacey and unable to figure out how to put them on! Koeby rescued me, helped me out, and then we stood by the hall table, eating our sandwiches and chips between contractions, which were getting stronger. During the contractions I would lean into Koeby with my head, needing to feel the counter-pressure. Then the contractions started coming back to back. It was all I could do to breathe and not lose my breath. It was hard to adjust to, to find rhythm in…I began to get fussy. It left like transition, but I had just begun labor! I whined, “It’s not fair!” Then we called Laura. I told her either I was being wimpy or it (the birth) was really close.

    Laura arrived at 2:40, and quickly helped me to a better place. I was worried as my hands felt tingly, and I was scared I’d pass out like I almost did during my last labor. I was beginning to lose all perspective, and was blowing and gasping air to stay on top of the contractions. We moved to the couch, me on my knees on the thin mattress we’d put on the floor, leaning onto Koeby’s lap while he sat on the couch. I had been wanting to move into that position for some time, but lacked voice and motivation to get there. The first two contractions in that position felt rotten. Then I felt the need to holler, and when I did I felt the baby’s head come down. Laura helped me get my pants off, as I was still fully clothed. Nicoya, Laura’s assistant, was called, and Laura got her “things” from her car. I said “That’s the baby.” With the next contraction, the head started to crown, and I could feel it with my hand. I yelled more, which pushed him down. If I didn’t yet it felt awful. The next one I pushed his head out into my hand. It felt good and full and huge! I was encouraged to leave it there a minute, and I could feel my tissue stretching. The next contraction brought his whole head, and Laura said to feel for a cord at his neck (usually I think she does this, but I’d been fairly adamant about not wanting anyone but Koeby and I to touch the baby). I felt and said, “Here’s an ear! I can’t find the cord! (which was good!)” Then there was a pause, a strange reality, with a head in my hand and the baby’s body still inside me. I put one foot up, declaring what I was doing outloud, so I could reach to catch him better. I told Koeby I needed his hands too, as I wasn’t sure I could reach to catch it myself. Then a contraction came, which brought his whole body into our hands. I saw right away that it was a healthy boy!

    I sat down and held him in my lap. Koeby wrapped a blanket around him. He was fluish and mucusy, his eyes shut tight. He coughed and gurgled. He looked familiar- he was beautiful! Most notable was his little chin and chubby little fingers. Koeby asked, “Is this Bodhi?” And I said “Yeah.” Nicoya (who had arrived when he was crowning) and Laura sat by us watching him come into his body, attentive in their care. He nursed shortly after, and my placenta came with no problems.

    He was born at 3:13 pm, just short of a 2 hour labor! The kids had been at Elises’s all morning, but as she was sick their grandpa had picked them up. Koeby’s mom opened the door, thinking she was coming to help with the children, and was surprised to find a baby born already! We called Grandpa and they all showed up about 20 minutes after the birth. They kissed him and our almost 5 year old asked, “Is it a boy?” and smiled a great smile knowing he had a brother. They were mellow and watched a video while we cleaned up. Our 2 year old daughter asked, “Is it Halloween? Is it Christmas?” She knew something special was going on! We measured him- 9 pounds, 7 ounces and 20 ½ inches long. I hadn’t torn, and I felt good. We took a bath together by candlelight, Fiona joining us at the end. It was great to watch him unfold in the water. That evening we were surprised by singing outside- Christmas carolers right out our front door. Then Bodhi and I slept our first night on the floor by the Christmas tree. He nursed so often that we didn’t sleep much at all. What a blessed little bundle!

• Riley's Birth

  • I was awakened at 2:00 am to the waters of my womb releasing gentle waves of surges about 3 minutes apart. I sit up and smile while my honey calls the midwives. We light candles and cuddle. I am slow moving in the middle of the night and eat a snack. I begin some stretching movements and bounce on the birthing ball. I focus on my breathing and opening. It evolves into leaning forward into the faces of strong midwives offering encouraging words. I repeated in my mind affirmations and they moved into my body, pumping in my blood, flowing with my breath like a stream of yoga poses. My body, mind and spirit kept expanding and unfolding. I trusted the natural process.

    The wave of surges are persisted and strengthened until they were back to back. The urge for the water was irresistible. I found instant relief getting into the birthing tub. My honey’s presence and kisses helped me let go and become loose. I surrendered to the sensations. In this moment that choice was very intense , yet the most effective. With a few more breaths and some sips of coconut water and I felt my baby’s head moving down and beginning to crown. I called for Solyana, my four-year-old daughter, who was asleep in the next room. I felt the top of a wet, fuzzy head and took a deep inhale, finding my center once more, and then out slipped my baby. Riley Finn wiggled up to the surface. He entered in our family surrounded by love and smiles. Face to face with my son, fresh from the womb, was calm and peaceful. His heart tones were low and he received oxygen as a jump-start to warm up. We exited the tub and welcomed him with words of love.

    His soul finally arrived fully in his body and he took his first breath. I was ecstatic and in shock. The rush of giving birth grounded me into my bones and I took a swim in my baby’s eyes, holding his hands. My Blessed little one was now part of our family. His Sister rushed to bake a birthday cake with the midwives. I delivered the placenta as easy as pie and cleansed away the blood of a ruptured membrane. I crawled into bed and relaxed for breakfast. I contemplated and then accepted the strange and wild aspects of birth. I gave thanks for my working uterus for my baby’s entrance into the world.

• Tzayuli’s Birth
  • 

    Tzayuli’s birth was beautiful, empowering, sacred, life changing and perfect. Tzayuli was due Tue Nov. 19th and that day came and went uneventfully. I hadn’t felt any changes in my body and was very sure I would go at least a week past my due date. A week passed, and as we approached the 10-day-late mark, I still hadn’t sensed any changes, but Tomas (my husband) and I began to think she would be born on the following Sunday- my dad’s birthday and a “good astrological line-up”.

    Wednesday night (the 27th), right when I was going to bed, I felt so much movement in my lower pelvis, it seemed like she was starting to prepare to come into this world. Nonetheless, my body still felt great-I had no swelling anywhere, I still could sleep all night long no problem, and I wasn’t feeling anxious at all.

    Friday I was 10 days late, and we met with Laura to discuss how we would proceed if I reached 42 weeks. Although my body still wasn’t showing any changes, Tomas and I didn’t worry so much, because we were sure she would be born over the weekend…Sunday. At the appointment, Laura listened to Tzayuli’s heart patterns, and in her very intuitive way she sensed that Tzayuli was communicating to her that she was doing just fine in my belly and that for now we didn’t need to do anything to help encourage labor.

    Thursday was Thanksgiving and on Friday afternoon, I started feeling a little sore in my lower back. I thought it might be a good time to give the birthing tub a “test run” because relaxing in the warm water sounded very inviting. Tomas and I filled the tub, lit some candles, burned some essential oil and got in the tub together. To Laura’s suggestion we took some time to talk to Tzayuli and ask her if there was anything she wanted us to do before she came. What came to me was her request that from that moment on, whatever we were doing, we should bring into our actions a consciousness that we were creating a sacred space in which she would be born into. We also told Tzayuli that we were ready for her, and did a meditation visualizing her birthing process, Tomas talking us through the “spiritual aspect” (the presence of white light shining down from above, etc) and me talking us through the “physical aspect” (my cervix opening, Tzayuli descending through the birth canal, etc).

    After we were done with the bath, we sat down to watch a movie with my mom and I noticed that I was starting to feel a little crampy. The cramps would come and go, and I mentioned this to my mom and we agreed that they were probably the beginning of contractions. My mucous plug came out that night, and I had contractions throughout the night and couldn’t fall asleep until 4:30am. I felt excited and the contractions weren’t uncomfortable, I just tried to relax into them.

    

    I woke at 7:30 the next morning (Saturday) feeling tired yet energized and excited. I called Laura to let her know that I had been awake all night with contractions, but since they weren’t following a rhythm yet, she suggested I get some rest and call her if they started up again. I couldn’t go back to sleep, and Tomas and I wanted to get everything ready for Tzayuli’s arrival, so we got out of bed. My contractions actually never let up, but because they were inconsistent and totally manageable, I didn’t call Laura. Tomas was totally wonderful, pretty much doing all the preparing (cleaning the bedroom, preparing the bed, etc) while I directed him.

    I called Laura in the afternoon and she recommended that I eat some root vegetables and a good dinner, and maybe watch a movie to relax. When I called Laura to check in before I went to bed, it seemed like there was still nothing new to report; I was still having contractions, but they weren’t too strong, and they were inconsistent. Laura told me to call her in the night if I was unable to sleep because of my contractions; I was sure that I would be calling her! I went to bed and experienced stronger contractions throughout the night-but somehow I felt like they weren’t interfering with my sleep. I probably woke up every half hour to an hour, with a strong contraction, but I would just “Om” my way through and imagine myself expanding and relaxing into the sensation. I was sure that night I would need to call Laura and that I would give birth, but as each contraction came I would glance at the clock and see the night progress into morning.

    The next morning (Sunday) I checked in with Laura who recommended I eat and then go for walk and maybe climb some hills. After a nauseating breakfast, we drove to my favorite trail. As soon as we began walking I would feel a contraction, and then my body would relax completely. It felt so nice to feel that space in between contractions. However, it didn’t last long because for the rest of the walk my body felt uncomfortable and I was never able to fully relax between contractions. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful walk. All of Ashland was covered in a blanket of fog, but since we were above the fog line it was a beautiful and sunny day and almost even felt like spring. We saw two bucks; one looked so “manly” and noble, it felt like a good sign. Obviously our pace was slow, I would have to pause and “Om” through contractions-but I was proud of myself for making it up all the hills. It was only the last little part downhill that I sent Tomas to get the car. By that time I was walking really slowly!

    When I got home, I was feeling uncomfortable, tired, and a little frustrated because my contraction still weren’t following a rhythm. I cried a little bit, and then got in the shower, which made me feel a little better. Laura and Chantia (the other midwife who was going to attend the birth) were on their way over to check in. While I waited, Tomas put on a cd of the Moola Mantra and lit some incense. I sat on the couch and rested between contractions, and when one came, I would get up and bend over and lean onto the couch. I felt like my body was entering a rhythm and it felt good. Tomas helped me say my affirmations between contractions, and that made me feel more confident, positive, and relaxed.

    Laura and Chantia arrived, and interestingly my contractions totally let up; from the outside it was hard to tell I was even in labor! They checked my vitals, checked the baby, and everything seemed normal. Based on how things seemed to be progressing, Laura was thinking of giving me a remedy to either speed things up, or slow things down. But first she asked if she could check my cervix. To all of our surprise, she could feel the baby’s head right there, and my cervix was 5cm dilated!

    Based on this, she felt that everything was progressing well (although unusually), and that really nothing needed to be done. She did say that the baby wasn’t in the most ideal positioning and thought that might be the cause for my discomfort and the irregularity of my contractions. She recommended I get on all fours and crawl around to help the baby move into a more optimal position.

    After Laura and Chantia left, I felt relieved and more positive. I ate some lunch and took a nap with Tomas. It was hard to sleep because the contractions kept coming and I felt a lot of pressure on my bowels. I woke up noticing that the intensity of my contractions was increasing-it wasn’t enough to just “Om” –it seemed like there was more force coming behind my voice. I called Laura, and she told me she wanted me to focus on crawling and being in the all fours position. For the next two hours, I was crawling around just pausing for contractions and it was really intense! Tomas would put his hands on my back during contractions, which helped relieve me.

    At some point, Mom asked me if I wanted to eat. I had no idea how far into labor I was, and even though I felt nauseas, I thought it was important to eat to keep my strength up. I realized there was no way I could sit down, so while Mom and Tomas were at the table having casual dinner conversation, I was on all fours moaning and trying to crawl between contractions. At some point Tomas encouraged me to eat, so in between contractions I downed a bowl of chicken broth.

    I still didn’t think the baby had changed positions, but by then it was intense. I was really wanting my water to break in hopes that it would relieve some of the pressure. I took some Skullcap and planned to take a nap hopefully to wake up to my water breaking. I was too uncomfortable to lie in bed, so I lay on the floor and insisted that Tomas stay at my side. It didn’t take long for me to see that the nap wasn’t going to happen. It seemed that my contractions were coming every couple of minutes, but I had long given up on timing them. I began to notice that with my contractions was coming the urge to push-I didn’t know if it was me needing to go to the bathroom or if it was the baby- but I thought it might be a good time to call Laura!

    The contractions kept coming and Tomas was supporting me as we waited for Laura to arrive. As soon as she got there, I felt like I could just let go, and I began to “roar” the birthing song. I realized that the discomfort I was feeling was the baby descending! From there I was swept away by the energy of birthing, and most details are rather blurry. I remember being amazed by the roaring coming from within me. I remember Tomas being at my side and encouraging me the whole time. I remember Laura asking if we wanted our altar candles lit, and her dimming the lights. I remember when Laura called Chantia and saying very calmly “Hey, I think it is a good time for you to come over.” I remember Laura recommending that we transition to the toilet, and that seemed like a good idea.

    

    Being on the toilet felt good because I felt like I could completely surrender to the urge to push. I think it was only one contraction when there was a “pop” and my water broke right into the toilet. Tomas was afraid the baby would be born in the toilet, so we transitioned back to the bedroom. Squatting seemed like the best position to be in, and we found that it worked perfectly for Tomas to support me under my armpits and I could hang from him. By then I was completely riding the energy of birth. At some point, mid-contraction, Laura told me to reach down and receive my baby!

    I reached down and brought this beautiful, perfect baby to my chest. Her head was perfectly round, and she had beautiful black hair. I’d never seen anything so perfect before in my life! When I decided to look between her legs, I was totally surprised to discover she was a little girl! A perfect little girl, and I was in love. Tzayuli was born at 7:40pm on Sunday (just as we had predicted!). From then it took almost an hour for the placenta to be born, and its warmth and softness passing through me even felt good.

    The midwives were here until 1am in the morning. I had a small tear so I had to be stitched up, but by then I was so blissed out and in love, I could handle anything. We did the newborn check and she weighed 6lbs and 12 ounces and measured 21 inches.

    After the midwives left, Tzayuli and I stayed up until 2am nursing, and then we fell asleep. It was so amazing to have this beautiful baby next to me making the sweetest little sounds. I woke up early the next morning, just so that I could watch and admire Tzayuli -this beautiful little being that I birthed into this world!!